Dan J. Brennan

Sexual Authenticity: An Intimate Reflection on Homosexuality and Catholicism Pt. 1

 

Okay, here I go. Can I be honest with you? I've been reluctant to plunge into the subject of the GLBT community for several reasons:

1. The enormous heat present among Christians. It's an issue with intense emotion on both sides. The minefield of language, rhetoric, arguments, debates, makes it exceedingly difficult to simply carry on a conversation. 

2. I did not want to draw attention away from the issue in my current book, Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions. The gay issue clearly is drawing much more interest and energy in our culture than the complex issue of intimate male-female friendships. I think cross-gender friendships are an important issue though.

3. I have good friends on both sides. I don't want to lose any of them. I have conservative friends who support SUSP and "progressive" friends who support same-sex mariage who also support SUSP.

I've already stated in a previous post that I believe that I believe marriage between a man and woman is an expression of authentic sexuality. I believe that male-female bodies matter when it comes to authentic sexuality. Male-female married sex means something. I don't believe that same-sex marriage means the same thing as male-female marriage. But, before I lose my friends on the other side (if there is any from the other side reading this), I ask for your patience and read on. I don't fit into Dave Fitch's three categories.

Andrew Marin, Friendship, and the GLBT Community

There are some powerful conversion stories emerging out of the conversation in  Christian communities and GLBT communities.  Sara Miles' powerful story in Take This Bread does not fit into any neat traditional categories of sexuality and conversion. Well, it would have if she became straight. But she hasn't. On the other hand, there is, just as powerful, the journey of Melinda Selmys who leaves her lesbian lover of seven years to embrace the Roman Catholic faith (Sexual Authenticity: An Intimate Reflection on Homosexuality and the Catholic Church).

I am still mulling over Andrew Marin's book, Love is an Orientation. It is so challenging and refreshing in the midst of debates and heated rhetoric on both sides.  I believe sexuality and Christian friendship is going to be an ongoing conversation in the 21st century. Longtime readers of my blog will know my passion for close, intimate, flourishing male-female friendships. I also believe Christian friendship and the GLBT community will be an ongoing conversation.

Christians, Lust, & Authentic Sexuality

One of the best quotes from this chapter is towards the end of their chapter on "Lust & Avoidance: Dangerous Messages about Sexual Temptation."  Colon and Field write, "This idea that sexuality is just sexual intercourse is a common misperception that often leaves singles wondering how they can be sexual without having sex." 

This chapter is centered around three dangerous messages about sexual temptation running rampant among evangelicals:

Living Spirituality

Greg Laughery's book, Living Spirituality: Illuminating the Path is a book born out of his experience at the L'Abri Fellowship community in Switzerland. 

 

Attraction, Sexuality, Marriage, and Community

Dennis Hiebert writes, "Sexuality is not merely some physical impulse contained in a safe-box to be let out only on special, appropriate occasions.  Humans are not sexual when they participate in sexual acts, and asexual at all other times...cross-sex friendship cannot be asexual, but neither can cross-sex acquaintance, association, or spousal relations. All cross-sex interactions are inexorably sexual in some form or dimension, and subject to sexual attraction of complementarity, just as all same-sex interactions are sexual and subject to the sexual attraction of similarity.  Morally, there is no asexual plateau of safety; all human interaction occurs on the slippery slope of sexuality." (Journal of Psychology and Theology, "Toward Adult Cross-Sex Friendship").

Do you want to revisit the conversation on attraction?

I picture my conversations here on attraction to like Jesus Creed does evolution, you know?  I don't know how many times the evolution topic has come up on that blog (that's just one repetitive example).

Male-Female Friendship Intimacy: Medieval Priests and Women

I mentioned Related Lives: Confessors and Their Female Penitents, 1450-1750 by Jodi Bilinkoff a couple of weeks ago.  This is a remarkable, rich book that surveys sexual/spiritual landscape between priests and women ranging from absolute fear to close, intimate friendships and everything in-between.  For me, this book is quite fascinating.  Bilinkoff not only reveals the sexual tension and ambivalence within the Catholic culture in this era, but she also argues the Catholic narrative of intimacy between men and women as an apologetic keeping the Catholic faith in light of the rise of Protestanism. 

Bilinkoff gives us the striking extremes coexisting in Catholic communities when it came to male-female friendship intimacy between priests and women.  Jean Gerson, an influential theologian wrote, "for even the most deeply religious men, no matter how great their sanctity, a common life and familiarity with women are not safe."  She notes, "To some monastic and diocesan authorities, all women, no matter how saintly, represented sexual temptation, and priests did well to limit their contacts with them."

Cross-Gender Friendships and Dating: Avoid Any Hint?

In my writing on cgfs right now, I am working through a section on double standards between unchaperoned dating and cross-gender friendships.  You will recall Saddleback's first four commandments did not apply to singles:

"Thou shalt not go to lunch alone with the opposite sex.

Thou shalt not have the opposite sex pick you up or drive you places when it is just the two of you.

Thou shalt not kiss any attender of the opposite sex or show affection that could be questioned.

Thou shalt not visit the opposite sex alone at home. "

These do not apply to ummarried staff. 

Saddleback's Ten Commandments: Avoid Any Hint Pt. 2

In a previous post we had mentioned Ed Stetzer appealing to church planters and leaders to follow the wise counsel of Saddleback's Ten Commandments to avoid any hint of sexual immorality.

Consider another possible angle from Eugene Peterson:

Synchroblog--What is Missional?

A number of bloggers who are sympathetic to a new way of emphasis in ecclesial focus--i.e. churches who are self-consciously missional are blogging on what is missional today.  At the suggestion of Rick Meigs, What does it mean to be missional?  David Fitch, Len, Brother Maynard, Brad Bisco, Bill Kinnon, Jamie Arpin-Ricci, and Mak are just some of the many who are participating in the synchroblog.  All of them have some good, authentic thoughts to contribute to the conversation.

Forging a Soul Friendship: Areas of Struggle

We continue our series on Mindy Caliguire's book, Spiritual Friendship.  In making the comments I have about finding safe friends, I don't want to be misunderstood: although small, this book is rich and deep.  I highly recommend it. 

The point I am belaboring about flawed people (how about that phrase vs. "unsafe"?) is that patience and faith--the fruit of the Holy Spirit--the intentional practice to pursue the fruit with a particular friend in a spiritual friendship forges the friendship and forms character.  Jesus came to call not the safe people in the world, but the unsafe.  He calls men and women to go deep with each other.  How much patience do you have to exercise with a "safe" person?  It depends I guess, wouldn't you think on the degree of emotional maturity and the degree of intimacy one pursues. 

It's interesting that when Caliguire writes on "matching" she feels compelled to write about accepting unmatched dynamics with: do not get angry or do not judge.  That to me, indicates her intentional audience perhaps, maybe flawed people--and that it is a real temptation and a real wound if you begin to go deep and find someone "unmatched." 

In her chapter on areas of struggle, I resonate with Caliguire's perspective: