Faith Dance

Review: The End of Sexual Identity

At some point in my journey when I began to see the virtue and blessing of cross-gender friendships, I began to realize deeper discernment is needed among evangelicals regarding sexuality than a universal, one-size-fits-all approach for everyone. Jenell Williams Paris in her new book, The End of Sexual Identity, observes, "Sexual holiness is often described as an unchanging ethic, universally applicable to Christians at all times and places, but it's not" (emphasis mine). For those of you who are reading this with a more conservative bent, I encourage you to think about that. In Christian history, for example, during one stretch it was considered wise for husbands and wives to have sex only certain times of the year. If you think that husbands and wives should have sex more often, then, sexual holiness becomes shaped by Scripture, tradition, and our present culture.

 

On the back cover of the book, the publisher IVP, states "Anthropologist Jenell Williams Paris offers a Christian framework for sexual holiness that accounts for complex postmodern realities." Jenell does that. As an evangelical, she does present an evangelical perspective of sexual holiness in the postmodern world. She is going make a lot of people nervous. She's going to upset some. There will be others who will read her account as an anthropologist who is too caught up in the cultural milieu of her day and lost her Christian bearings. 

I highly recommend Jenell's book. It is an important book in the conversation on sexual identity, sexual fluidity, heterosexuality, homosexuality, and Christian virtues of faith, hope, and love. Even if you end up not agreeing with her, Jenell offers a compelling Christian critique on homosexuality and heterosexuality as sexual identities. 

Singles, Romantic Myth, and Friendship

My Facebook friend Doug (who is single) muses on some of my recent posts: 

"The main idea I took from the previously posted quotes is that a person doesn't have to be married or even in a "romantic" type of relationship to experience life-giving relationships. This is because marriage/romance isn't the ultimate relationship, and because people can have deep, life-giving friendships. These ideas seemed really good to me; they seemed to make sense and to fit.

Personally, once these ideas sunk in, it felt like a weight had been lifted--it was great news. I hadn't really been consciously aware of it, but I did have the notion that I wouldn't really experience the kind of life-sharing relationship I desired until/unless I was married (or with the person whom I would eventually marry). Once pointed out, these ideas seem almost so obvious I wondered that I didn't wholly see them before. Now, I know intellectually that marriage won't fulfill every desire a person has. But it's easy to slip into feeling like your waiting for what you really desire, as I had."

This was exciting for me to hear. Imagine what would happen if evangelical communities began to see romantic relationship not as the ultimate relationship. Imagine what would happen if evangelical communities began to see friendship as one form of ultimate, life-giving love? 

Brother-Sister Love: Pictures Speak Volumes

Such pictures of brother-sister love at a young age are just adorable!

Brother-sister love--pictures speak volumes. Pictures, as we all know speak powerfully. Random pictures from Google images on brother-sister love. 

Emotional Adultery, Robust Fidelity, and Friendship Pt 4

"Spouses must go slowly with each other at this point, because the issues raised are so tender: perhaps there are fears of abandonment, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, inability to talk honestly about sexual issues or lack of trust. These are often the deepest issues in marriage, and we can be grateful for the opportunity to work through them, because there is greater freedom on the other side." Ruth Haley Barton

Male-female friendships begin in mutual attraction (this is true for all preferential friendships).  Attraction may arise through innumerable ways which may or may not include sexual attraction. In some Christian circles, married individuals are in danger if they experience sexual attraction in friendship with someone other than their spouse. In the last post, I explored the power of attraction in friendship before Freud and the romantic myth. Mutual discernment between husband and wife involving the emergence of cross-gender friendship compels both of them to dialogue on the power of attraction in friendship. 

Emotional Adultery, Robust Fidelity, and Friendship Pt 3

"Unless spouses come into a marriage with close cross-sex friendships already into place, it is possible and probable that the choice of either spouse to engage in such friendships after marriage will necessitate discussion and may even cause upheaval in the relationship. When a spouse choose a friend of the other sex, especially if the friends are at all physically attractive to each other, it can be threatening for the spouse. This is a marital moment that can be difficult to negotiate, but it can also be the opportunity to face some of our fears and to be freed from them. It is almost certain that cross-sex friendships will raise issues that are beneath the surface and have not yet been discussed. Spouses must go slowly with each other at this point, because the issues raised are so tender."  

 Ruth Haley Barton, Equal to the Task