My friend Steve Dawson posted a link to my FB wall: "Thinking of having an affair?" I am sure the author is a well-meaning, godly Christian who is imparting wisdom not just to regular folk but to pastors and leaders. It is directed to men. He starts out, "It never ceases to amaze me how common it is for pastors and other church leaders to have affairs." Then within two sentences, Hunt observes that all affairs start innocently and then instantly progress like the collective pieces in the domino game. Once one tips over one tile, all the rest of the tiles follow suit. It comes with these observations:
“It is just a touch, what could that hurt?”
“We are just talking–and out in public and everything.”
“It didn’t make any sense to take two separate cars.”
Catholic psychologist Michael Cavanagh has a name for this popular narrative: sexual domino. One of the main reasons why I wrote Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions was to encounter the sexual domino narrative in contemporary Christianity. One cannot adequately address this view with 30 second soundbites. It has a particular grip in evangelical sexuality and spirituality but one will find it other Christian communities as well (hence, Catholic Cavanagh's musings on the subject). This sexual domino theory plain and simple is pop Freudianism which is taken by some well meaning Christian leaders to have come directly from God's own mouth.
Deeply embedded in the pop-Freud story among Christians, as Cavanagh observes is this sense that an idea, or feelings, or touch, leads this irresistible, domino-effect of losing all control and choice: "if a person allows himself a sexual idea, this will automatically cause sexual feelings, which will, in turn, automatically lead to sexual activity."
Because pop Freud is the equivalent of divine authority in some faith communties, this "biblical" message is popularized as God's wisdom for Christian culture (see Hunt for example). Ed Stetzer for example, a missiologist and well-known in some church planting circles, counsels church planting pastors-leaders to become Christian pop-Freudians and plant pop-Freudian faith communities.
For some reason (fear? avoidance?), pop-Freudianism is not even on the table for other missional leaders. I've looked with great interest at some recent conferences for missional church planters: conversation, direction, and serious engagement about sexual wisdom and pop-Freudianism are missing. This means the leaders are themselves afraid to address the issue or they want their communities to continue to lead the way of pop-Freud. Is this the only response from Christian leaders? A steady diet of pop-Freud with a couple of proof-texts or look the other way?
Yet, how could this be when, on so many occasions Jesus (i.e. the founder and leader of Christianity and therefore community) pushed the envelope when it came to sexuality, discipleship, and community?
The Christian story of faith, discipleship, love, and sexuality is far bigger, deeper, and broader than the current pop-Freud or silence offered in some Christian communities.
Perhaps we need to look at the diverse messages in our pop culture for further light. While most churches embracing Freud believe pop culture preaches only one message about such a lack of sexual control this is not so. I sometimes find Hollywood has more depth in its understanding of sexuality than some Christian communities. This past year Twilight series released another film, Eclipse. Yes, I did see this with one of my close cross-gender friends! Very clearly there is an important message in the film where teenagers in a mutually romantic-sexual attraction scenario resist their sexual urges (even when things are a bit heated).
I've seen Hollywood portray this kind of wisdom in other films, too. If Hollywood can produce characters who are able to resist sexual impulses for a greater good in the moment, then why can't Christians produce men and women who could ride together but alone in a car without caving into irresistible sexual urges?
It is disturbing that Hollywood has more profundity in its understanding of sexuality than some Christian population. This is so telling of the status of our moral fiber and the level of conservatism in our society.
Posted by: Stephanie | September 30, 2011 at 01:06 AM