Faith Dance

Finding Beauty in Others

It is possible to "see," to learn to see the beauty of others without it turning into lust. Vinita Hampton Wright in her book, The Soul Tells a Story tells about a time when she noticed a man her on commuter train:

Mary DeTurris Poust on Spiritual Friendships

Catholic author Mary DeTurris Poust is interviewed on this Christopher Closeup podcast: "men and women can have purely platonic but deeply intimate spiritual friendships when they are grounded in God."

Christopher Closeup podcast

Rediscovering Spirituality in Friendship

"Friendship is, writes Joan Chittister, "in the end, always and everywhere eternal mystery, eternal desire. It is a grasp at the ultimate, the quest for human understanding." I will never forget when I read that the first time. It was early on in my research to write Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions. As an evangelical for almost thirty years, I had never put friendship and spirituality together. Spirituality you know, had to do with your "quiet time" or your private Bible reading time along with prayer. It also had to do with preaching, Bible study, and truth or correct doctrine. I had never heard any evangelical leader put spirituality and friendship together. Of course, as I point out in my book, evangelicals are only now beginning to discover the richness of friendship. 

But Chittister's observation put friendship squarely in the realm of spirituality. Much to my surprise (after being so ignorant of Catholic spirituality for years), I discovered Catholics had a rich history of friendship centered in their spirituality--at least certain streams did. 

Affairs, Pastors, and Boundaries

This is a guest post from my dear friend Jennifer Roach. She is planting a church in Seattle. Here is her response to Josh Hunt's, recent blog: 

Dear Josh Hunt, 

I don’t know you, but you posted something on your blog that has made me think. http://joshhunt.com/2010/12/thinking-of-having-an-affair/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=facebook 

There is a lot I like in your post.  You start out by naming a problem that is very perplexing: a lot of pastors have sexual problems.  You talk about affairs, but we all know that the problem is wider than just that.  Something is very wrong (though largely ignored) when it comes to pastors and issues of sexuality, and you’re offering one solution on how to fix it.  I also like that you are focused on protecting your wife and ministry.  As a wife I deeply appreciate the things my husband has done, and the sacrifices he has made to protect me.  And I appreciate the men in ministry over me who have done the same. 

Sexual Dominoes and Sacred Friendship

My friend Steve Dawson posted a link to my FB wall: "Thinking of having an affair?" I am sure the author is a well-meaning, godly Christian who is imparting wisdom not just to regular folk but to pastors and leaders. It is directed to men. He starts out, "It never ceases to amaze me how common it is for pastors and other church leaders to have affairs." Then within two sentences, Hunt observes that all affairs start innocently and then instantly progress like the collective pieces in the domino game. Once one tips over one tile, all the rest of the tiles follow suit. It comes with these observations: 

“It is just a touch, what could that hurt?”

“We are just talking–and out in public and everything.”

“It didn’t make any sense to take two separate cars.”

Catholic psychologist Michael Cavanagh has a name for this popular narrative: sexual domino. One of the main reasons why I wrote Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions was to encounter the sexual domino narrative in contemporary Christianity. One cannot adequately address this view with 30 second soundbites. It has a particular grip in evangelical sexuality and spirituality but one will find it other Christian communities as well (hence, Catholic Cavanagh's musings on the subject). This sexual domino theory plain and simple is pop Freudianism which is taken by some well meaning Christian leaders to have come directly from God's own mouth.