It is possible to "see," to learn to see the beauty of others without it turning into lust. Vinita Hampton Wright in her book, The Soul Tells a Story tells about a time when she noticed a man her on commuter train:
"I have to learn to admire beauty wherever I find it, and that means that I can enjoy the sight of beautiful people without turning that joy into sexual preoccupation. One day as I was riding the commuter train, a handsome man walked on and sat down, and sat down, and I admired his beauty from my place several seats away. Then it occurred to me that not only was this man quite beautiful to behold but the woman sitting on the other side of the train was lovely as well. So was the older gentlemen over there. And the young immigrant father and his toddler daughter. In a matter of moments, every person on that train car had become, in my eyes, extraordinary and beautiful. It all began because an attractive men walked into the train. If I had been so afraid of sexuality that I averted my eyes, would my heart have opened up to all those people?"
Love, authentic love also has a way of opening our eyes to see someone's unique beauty--same sex or cross sex. This is obvious in romantic love and our hyperromanticized culture teaches us that only a certain form, thin frame, straight white teeth, or some model from Victoria's Secret is the standard for beauty.
But chastity, a robust view of chastity awakens us to the true and authentic beauty of the other. I believe what Wright opened herself up to at that moment on the train was a robust experience of chastity engaging beauty. Chastity opens us up to sensing the goodness, beauty, and delight in the other.
In her small but helpful book But I have Called You Friends Mother Mary Francis writes about how friendship-love, in her words, "changes the loved one's physical appearance in our eyes." She recalls how when she was a sophomore in high school she brought home a picture of a certain girl. Her mother looked at the picture and commented that the girl was "sweet, but so plain." Mary said her reaction was, "I just couldn't take this in, because I loved this person so much." She said "It was obvious to me that this girl was beautiful." Mary said, "It took me some time to realize that my mother was looking at a face, but I was looking at the person whom I loved. And she was physically beautiful to me because I loved her...It is love that educates our judgments."
She goes on to broaden this from physical features to psychological traits, differences: "It is your love that will make her beautiful."
This is a robust chastity in ongoing marital love but its also a deepening chastity in friendship-love. There are deeper beauties in love, both in marriage and friendship-love. Whether we look at it from the spirituality angle, or the sexuality angle, we should nurture, and train our eyes to see the God-given beauty in our spouses, friends and others. Either spirituality or sexuality (not referring to genital sex here, although this certainly can factor in) or both can awaken us to meaningfully and deeply connecting with the other's beauty and recognize too, our own God-given beauty.
Great post. This is content that I can use. As a Pastor for 20 years I always look for good content to help others. You comunicate your point well. Thanks again.
Pastor Vance Williamson
Posted by: After Affair | February 14, 2011 at 02:16 AM