Melinda Selmys' journey from an atheist-lesbian activist to hetereosexual marriage and the Catholic faith is too compelling for anyone to ignore. The line in the sand in the political-cultural-theological wars (at least one of the lines) is whether or not orientation is "immutable." Her appearance this year at a Notre Dame conference raised the hackles of those who specialize in "ex-gay watch." Several of those lashed out at Notre Dame for including her. So, we are in the midst of this intense national conversation with nervous anxiety on both sides wondering whose narrative gets heard in our communities (church, popular and academic culture). The stakes are high for our post-Freudian culture prizes individualistic sexual identity/experience (heterosexual or homosexual).
This book is an important contribution to the conversation. I am sure my gay friends will come to different conclusions than my conservative friends. It won't surprise those who know me, that I was encouraged to hear friendship as a key aspect in her journey from a lesbian lover to heterosexual marriage. But, her Catholic friends, as much as I could pick up on, loved her for who she was--loved her "strangeness." They didn't treat her as an evangelistic project. She has some strong things to say against Christian therapists who practice reparative therapy.
1. She will make conservatives nervous and unhappy. She believes we are not called to preach the gospel of heterosexuality. This is utterly surprising, given her passionate commitment to Christ and the faith now. I will not reveal the rest of her insights here. Read them for your own sake.
2. Obviously, her story is a contemporary witness that orientation is not immutable. This is unavoidable, given her journey. She makes some strong points but they are not the observations from some armchair theologian. Her narrative is powerful in this regard when she makes these points.
3. Yet, in my reading, she has deep respect for those who experience orientation. As she looks over the studies etc. she recognizes that orientation will not be completely irreversible for many in this life even for those who desire to change.
Some thought-provoking statements:
"Sex is good, and beautiful, and replete with meaning, but it is not the summum bonum of human experience."
"I do not think, however, that the real issue for most homosexuals is the ability to have sex with the people that they want to have sex with."
"Underneath the pop and fizzle of sexological enthusiasm lies a fundamental despair--not necessarily about life itself, but about the body. This seems counterintuitive."
I do believe friendship is a constructive path forward for listening to the narratives in our communities.
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