"Jesus is completely unlike most of the stuff that Christians try to stick on him. Like it or not, the message of Jesus is distinctive, electric, and stunning, because there's nothing else like it."
Count me in as one of those who see a difference between a Jesus-shaped spirituality and a church-based spirituality. Of course, is that any surprise for those who know me? Michael Spencer passed away before he could see Mere Churchianity: Finding Your Way Back to a Jesus-Shaped Spirituality published.
There is no possible way I can read this book without reflecting on my own experiences as I formed cross-gender friendships as a married man. I had a good, trusted male friend who I sought out on a regular basis when I began to deliberately nurture close, nonromantic attachments with women outside of my marriage. We would return again and again to Jesus in the Gospels and his relationships with women. I would share some honest things with my friend. He would say things like "Dan, it sounds what you are doing is dangerous. But I have no sense that you are losing your delight and love for Sheila. Just because you are exploring an intimacy that is dangerous doesn't mean Jesus isn't in it. Jesus calls us to follow him."
My friend though, gave me plenty of space to mess up, to grow, to fall, to fail, to learn to love, to learn to deepen intimacy. The friendships--like all deep friendships--were complicated. An extra complication was that the friendships would upset some Christians. The "audience" control factor has been a huge dynamic which I have encountered again and again.
My friend did not have a minute-by-minute accountability scorecard for me. A big difference between a Jesus-shaped spirituality and a church-based one, is nurturing disciples who are "adults"--i.e. you want them to be disciples of Christ, with their own individual identities, not dependent upon the church's agenda (fill in the blank______), nor dependent disciples of the pastor.
Some churches (even some missional churches in reaction to individualism) may unintentionally create disciples who can't hear the voice of Christ in their life without a group to hear and validate what they are hearing (this is especially true if it is against the status quo). Calls and appeals to submission can create community-dependent others. In such communities, the tendency towards the group-status quo and agenda is a strong temptation (i.e. spouses should not hang out with a friend of the opposite sex--if they do, don't publicize it--have to be secret about it). Conformity to the church's unwritten or written agenda is a huge expectation in church-based spirituality.
But as Spencer notes, "People who have a distinct individual identity break the unspoken, agreed-upon rules."
He is quite refreshing in his understanding that individual identity is a distinguishing feature in Jesus-shaped spirituality.
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