Faith Dance

Moving Beyond Sexism

"By sexism I mean any outlook that privileges sexual activity as the root metaphor for our being-in-the-world...Now it is one thing to observe the importance of physical attractiveness in all types of social bonds and the notion that an individual's sexuality and desires are a necessary part of the total person, which may not be and probably should not be ever completely suppressed.  But sexist vocabularies incorporated as part of any sexual identity can construct others primarily as naturalized objects of sexual desire, as opposed to social beings that may be known, befriended and/or loved for reasons and attributes that transcend sexual relations."  William Rawlins

Prayers Appreciated

I have a publishing possibility for my book!  I appreciate your prayers.  I am somewhat encouraged about this direction.  I will keep you posted!

Cross-Sex Friendship Quote of the Week

I love this quote--it could be a fitting summary of my book:

"Our trust in the Trinity's embrace frees us to love others more fully with triune kinds of love--fostering deep relationships that involve solid friendships without sexual innuendo" From Marva Dawn's new book, In the Beginning, God

In the Trenches

I haven't had a chance to post much here in the past few days.  God is continuing to shape me.  I had someone last night share a picture she had from God for me.  She could see clay being molded like the shape of a heart and she could see a thumb (God's thumb) pressing in on it.  She sensed it was the Lord's way of pressing in on me in such a deep way of His presence shaping my heart as of late in the midst of stuff. 

It seems like I've been in the trenches in recent weeks in the midst of community where iron sharpens iron.  It has been good for me.  I see God working in me; it hasn't been pleasant.  I've had to face some fears and look them square in the eye and trust God who is bigger than the fears.  I see God is working in some great ways in our midst.  

Cross-Sex Friendship Quote of the Week

"If a husband plays tennis with a neighbor's wife on Saturday mornings, he need not be a candidate for incipient infidelity...Only those who suspect that every friendship between a man and woman has sexual intercourse as its natural goal will label every friendship as adultery of intent.  The line between tolerable friendships can be recognized not by rules but by imaginative discernment."

Lewis Smedes

U2!!

I will be at Soldier Field Saturday night with Jonathan, Jennifer, and Rich Cordero! 

This is their stage set-up as of Friday.

When friendship is grounded in Love

Wow....Jean, I decided to make your response an entire blog post worthy of its own post.  You made my day as I checked my inbox.  What a delight to hear from you and for you to understand the wonderful communal depth of friendship between a man and woman. 

Dan - What a wonderful blog. I have only just begun to explore it but am thrilled by what I have discovered so far. My closest spiritual friend - we are Catholic - is a grandfather many times over, married for almost 33 years to the love of his life and I am a very happily single (divorced) woman in discernment of consecrated religious life. Our friendship is not without temptation (LIFE is tempting!) but our friendship *is* wholly without risk. I found your mention of "this statement about friendship by Anne E Carr and how it does parallel with our relationship with God: 'A friend is one whose presence is joy, ever-deepening relationship and love, ever available in direct address, in communion and presence. A friend is one who remains fundamentally a mystery, inexhaustible, never fully known, always surprising. Yet a friend is familiar, comforting, at home. A friend is one who urges human freedom and autonomy in decision, yet one who is present in the community of interdependence. And this friend in fact, continually strives to create community'."

A Thought-Provoking Article

I love new articles like this one by Luci Taylor.  In talking about the fear of opposite sex friendships among those who are married,  she opines: 

"This unhealthy possessiveness is just about forgivable when you're in school or in your 20s, when you can still get away with the excuse of chronic insecurity, but supposedly mature adults should know better. A partner should never be treated or regarded as a possession.

Of course the fear of cross- sex friendships is understandable. Numerous sexual relationships have resulted from people, often married, insisting they're 'just good friends' with someone, usually a work colleague.

But the solution isn't for every single person who's attached to batten down the hatches and avoid all close relationships with members of the opposite sex, unless gay, in case there's a possibility of sexual frisson.

It's such an infantile approach, a bit like forbidding a child to enter a sweet shop for fear he or she is going to scoff everything in sight. "

Here is the entire article:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1210077/Why-women-need-male-friends-stop-sex-getting-way.html

Cross-Sex Friendship Quote of the Week

"True love, friendship, commitment, and community are related to beauty...To be or not to be is the question of beauty and its motivating power."  John Navone

The Double Bind: Transparency/Secrecy

Close cross-sex friendships may discover the double bind of transparency and secrecy--especially in some evangelical communities.  Whenever these cultural binds take place, social complexity or relational depth is challenged.  Double binds always attempt to force the relationship into false dichotomies.  Either this or that, but one can't be in the deep middle between the either/or. 

For male-female friendships, one often hears about the need to practice the friendship out in the open.  This popular counsel is especially helpful for those who are married.  On the other hand, if the friends intentionally practice transparency within their community they risk facing social disapproval and suspicion--and a backlash if they don't conform to powerful stereotypes in the evangelical community.   The backlash reinforces the pressure to conform to current evangelical fashions defining morality (the Colorado Springs variety, maybe).  The fact of the matter is that healthy, good, flourishing, intimate male-female friendships are counterstereotypical: they challenge many deeply-held prescriptive stereotypes that some Christians embrace concerning men, women, gender, faith, friendship, community, and social order.  

Is there hope for progress?