Redeeming Sexuality: An Alternative to Pornography

Perhaps my second book should be something along the above title and subject.  I am sure many women would say I well, yes, that part of redeeming sexuality would mean that men would not, in their vulnerability but nevertheless masculine impulses, seek out false intimacy when want they need  and are made for is authentic closeness with the other sex.  Its no secret (although it is a secret activity) that many men struggle with pornography--including men who want to be faithful to their spouses.  The most popular approach even in the church, is to counter pornography through fear, rules and behavior modification.  An interesting thing happened to me and pornography a few years ago.

I obviously write this as a husband and friend--one male's perspective.  I would be very interested in hearing from women as well as men.

I gradually entered into a friendship with a woman that grew into a close, intimate relationship.  The beginning of this relationship stirred me into deeper and deeper intimacy with Sheila because I saw the growing friendship as a good thing and not a threat to our marriage.  As I grew closer in relationship with my cross-gender friend, I wanted to be more vulnerable and open with Sheila.

The way it worked out for me was that my intimacy with women ended my need for and urge for seeking out a false intimacy with women offered to me in pornography.   I would like to suggest that healthy emotional and relational closeness with women--with our wives and our cross-gender friends is a healthy alternative to pornography.    This is what we men long for when we feel vulnerable and seek out impulses towards pornography with our sexual yearnings, our fear of loneliness, and stepping into a void.  What we yearn for and want is not rules, but intimacy, closeness, with the other sex--healthy sexuality, communion in Christ's body.  Learning healthy intimacy with our wives and with women as our friends--is a path towards healing the objectification of women. 

Comments

[djchuang]

Right on, brilliant insight. Having healthy cross-gender friendship is one of the best antidotes to stop objectifying women and quell the temptation of pornography. Because we (men) have real relationships and friendships with women, fantasy doesn't cut it any more.

[Just Saying]

It makes some sense to me. However, whathappens in that transgender relationship if the intimacy in your own marriage is on the downside? Ina ll marriages there are ebb/flo, wax/wane, right? Is it a temptation to share certain things for which compassion for the individual is turned into physical passion? I'm just saying.