Dan J. Brennan

A Cross-Gender Friendship for the Ages

My son is 24.  He went to visit Mrs. Umberger today, his 99 year old friend.  I wrote about them here.  Mrs. Umberger, unbelievably, still lives at home.  She no longer drives a car--like she did at 94.  But Jonathan and her engaged in a stimulating discussion today covering a wide range of topics including Christianity (Mrs. Umberger is usually quiet about religion).

There is a special affection between them that developed when a seven year old boy named Jonathan moved into her neighborhood back in 1992 when she was a young 82 years old.  Even though we moved out of the neighborhood ten years ago and Jonathan has become an adult, their cross-gender friendship speaks of the kindness of God.  I can't tell you the special joy I had in my heart this evening as Jonathan was recalling to us at the dinner table a few minutes ago, his visit with his friend, Mrs. Umberger. 

Prayer, Sex, and Friendship

I don't know yet if I am going to stick with that as a working title, but I am thinking about my second book along the lines of prayer, sex, and friendship.  This would be my sequel to Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions.  I think with the rich range of sexuality and intimacy accessible in cross-gender friendships that I could write several books on the theme of sexuality and friendship and not be redundant.  When I first started writing Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions I thought there was no question I would be addressing in at least one chapter, prayer intimacy between men and women--particularly men and women who were not married to each other. 

That changed when I neared the end of the book.

Top Ten Cross-Gender Friendship Books

I haven't done this in a while and I have discovered more resources since I last did one.  Here is my current list.  These books are in my top ten because of their their contribution to the subject.  I do not rank them in any significant order.

George Ryan's Apology: A Step in the Right Direction

The former governor for Illinois, convicted felon George Ryan offered a "heartfelt apology" today.  As expected, emotions and opinions cover a ride range of skepticism to embrace.  For those of you who live in a different part of the world, George Ryan is serving time in prison.  He was convicted of several charges, including racketeering, bribery, extortion, money laundering and tax fraud.  Part of the scandal included unqualified and inept drivers who obtained drivers licenses with bribes.    On Nov. 4, 1994, I voted for George Ryan.  Something seemingly unrelated to Ryan tragically unfolded in the state of Wisconsin on that same day: six precious, young children perished in a mini-van accident when a mudflap assembly fell off a truck traveling on an interstate near Milwaukee and the car they were traveling in (driven by their father) ran over it.  The gas tank was punctured and it caused the mini-van to burst into flames.

The connection between the two (George Ryan and the deaths) took years to uncover--and only because of the passion for justice--not by Ryan--but by Janet and Scott Willis the parents who saw their six children die before their very eyes. 

The driver of the truck couldn't read or speak english.  The facts would reveal thay he was one of many who obtained his license through bribes.  When state officials wouldn't hear the Willis couple in the 90's and buried their suspicions, it is my recollection that they hired a private investigator.  It took a while but there was growing evidence to support that corruption in the Ryan office was related to this tragic accident.  Even after there was growing evidence to connect the dots--Ryan steadfastly refused to admit any connection. 

When Ryan stood trial for corruption in 2006, the judge refused to admit the crash into the case--believing the horrific deaths would be too inflammatory for the jurors.  Janet and Scott attended the trial everyday.  They prayed for justice.  Throughout the trial Ryan proclaimed his innocence.

Ryan was convicted.  He still refused to apologize or admit any connection with the fatal crash.  As a public citizen of Illinois, I had to pray hard to forgive Ryan and not hate him.  I wanted to hate him. 

Last week, Sen. Durbin from Illinois petitioned George Bush to commute the sentence of Ryan.  Immediately debate sprang up in Illinois. 

Now, today for the first time Ryan has offered an apology.  In the apology, for the first time ever, he connects "mistakes" he has made with the deaths of the Willis children.  Lord, have mercy.  Christ, have mercy.   Here it is:

"I must say something that I have known in my heart has been a long time coming. And that is a truly heartfelt apology to the people of Illinois. It has been a difficult journey for me to get to this point, as I truly believed in my service to the people, but it was less than my best, and for that I am sorry.

I want to make things right in my heart with God, with my family, and with those that I have hurt. As a former public official, a husband, a father, and a grandfather, I apologize. Even though I cannot undo my mistakes, I hope I can restore some faith in your hearts and minds by opening up and sharing these thoughts. And even though it took time for me to come to this place, in the end my goal is to do the right thing, no matter how tardy or flawed.

I sincerely hope that by coming forward today, my words in some way might help in the healing process of restoring the people's faith in their government and others that want to serve. In addition to damaging the public's trust and confidence in government, I realize my mistakes had other implications and tangible effects on my constituents and the citizenry. I know that Reverend and Mrs. Willis suffered such effects -- an unimaginable pain and loss -- from mistakes made in my administration, both by me and others on my watch. My heart has and always will go out to the Willis family. They, like all of the people of Illinois, deserved far better than I gave them."

Even Edward Gilbreath seems to suggest that Ryan should be commuted.

I don't think so.  But I do think his apology is the first step in the right direction after years of cold denial. 

Waiting...with freedom and fidelity

So I got word from Chip MacGregor my agent.  We're waiting.  He believes the economy has really slowed down the publishing industry, too.  That does make sense.  Jennifer works at Barnes and Noble and next week her hours are reduced rather than expanded.   Chip has been in contact with the publishers and assured me, "people are reading your work." 

So I continue to wait. 

Quite appropo for the advent season I would say.

A Culture of Suspicion vs. a Culture of Love

Carl Anderson's new book, A Civilization of Love: What Every Catholic Can Do to Transform the World is a popularization of of Pope John Paul's II vision of love.  Although it is written by a Catholic primarily to a Catholic audience, it is a worthy call to all Christians, especially evangelicals who get caught up in philosophical, psychological, or eschatological pessimism or suspicion.  As an evangelical, I applaud books like this.  My evangelical life for the most part, has been shaped by the evangelical sub-culture of suspicion.  Anderson has one chapter on "The Culture of Suspicion."  He reminds us about the three great "masters of suspicion:" Frederick Nietzsche, Karl Marx, and Sigmund Freud.

Communion and Friendship: The Privilege of Love

One book that has caught my attention recently is The Privilege of Love: Camaldolese Benedictine Spirituality.  These chapters are written by different authors who have been shaped by the Camaldolese Benedictine spirituality.

Living Spirituality

Greg Laughery's book, Living Spirituality: Illuminating the Path is a book born out of his experience at the L'Abri Fellowship community in Switzerland. 

 

Cross-sex Friendship Quote of the Week

"The world is full of the sexually fragmented who are longing for the wholeness of the kingdom.  Victory is not a matter of living in fear of sexual sin: that is as much an idolatry of sex as looking to sexuality for ultimate fulfillment is...The church is called to walk in the tension between the idolatries of sexuality, between the illusory safety of rules and the risky obedience of victory, between what we are and what we are not yet."

Jennifer Ould, "Sexual Formation: Theology for Integrating Sexuality into Spiritual Formation for Evangelical Churches."

Men and Women in Community: An Ongoing Story

Yes, so I repost a picture from last night.  It is a snapshot of an ongoing story of men and women in community.  Pause, if you will for a second over this one:

Here, on my 50th birthday, I am blessed to have two beautiful women near me:

Sheila my sweet wife on my right (don't know if there is anything symbolic with her on my right!) and Jennifer on my left.   I wished Jennifer Roach could have made it, but it couldn't work out.  But this picture is a testimony to an ongoing story about men and women in community.