Premodern Christian language on Deep Friendships

In case, you haven't strung these together, I wanted to collect various ways premodern Christians have expressed encouragement to move toward deep friendships or enjoy them.  I think it's fair to say that most Western modern Christians have been reluctant to use the same kind of language in describing friendship or encouraging friendship.  Most of these, (not all) I have quoted on this blog in one post or another but I am hoping that doesn't discourage you from reading them as a collection.  Keep in mind, that I am appealing here to a broad application of friendship: friendship in marriage, spiritual friendships, cross-sex friendships, and same sex friendships.  More marriages, including Christian marriages need this kind of friendship.

"Then they lifted up their voices and wept again.  And Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her...But Ruth said, 'Do not urge me to leave you or return from following you.  For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge.  Your people shall be my people, and your God my God." (Ruth 1:14, 16).

"As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."  (1 Sam.18:1).

"I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me; your love was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women." (2 Sam. 1:26).

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Prov. 18:24

Gregory and his friendship with Basil: "In my studies, in my lodgings, in discussions I had him as a companion...We had all things in common and a single soul, as it were, bound together our two distinct bodies...As a result we reached for such a pitch of confidence that we revealed the depths our hearts, become ever more united in our spirit." 

Basil writing to a close friend, "It is impossible for me to forget you even for the briefest moment--I would sooner forget myself."

Chrysostom on his friendship with Basil:

"There was one in the group who outstripped them all in his friendship for me and set his heart on leaving the rest far behind as they did the people who regarded me with indifference.  He was one of my constant companions."

Ambrose:

"Preserve, my sons, that friendship which you have begun with your brother; for nothing in the world is more beautiful than that.  It is indeed a comfort in this life to have someone to whom you can open your heart, with whom you can share your confidences and to whom you can entrust the secrets of your heart." 

Chrysostom:

"The pleasure of friendship excels all others, even if you compare it with the sweetness of honey, for that satiates but a friend never does."

Paulinus to Severus:

"We have one heart and soul together in the Lord."  In another place, he states, "For we always loved each other so scrupulously that no affection could be added to our mutual love except the charity of Christ."

Augustine:

"I felt that his soul and mine had formed one soul in two bodies."

Carolinne White on Augustine: "if friendships could lead to some knowledge of God, an awareness of the unity of the Trinity could conversely lead to the formation of intimate human relationships, for by imitating the Trinity and clinging to God we are granted unity with one another and with God in the Holy Spirit."

The above quotes (and their surrounding stories) are found in White's book on friendship

Rhabanus to Alcuin:

As you are my one and only, may the author of life protect you, One among many (in heaven) you are my one and only."   

Elmer to Robert:

"I cannot tell you, my most beloved, with what sweetness, with what efficacy of spiritual desire, my mind embraces your soul in the intimacy of holy love, when it remembers gently your goodness."

The above quotes are found in Brian McGuire's book Friendship and Community.

In the introduction of that book McGuire describes how "Since my own childhood I have been fascinated with the subject and amazed at how relatively easy it has been for me to form friendships with women, while it seems relatively difficult in our culture to form close friendships with other men." 

Francis de Sales to Jeanne de Chantal:

I am inseparable from your heart and, speaking the words of the Holy Spirit, we now have only one heart and one soul, because I find that what is said of all the Christians of the early Church is, thanks to God, now true of us."

"So, God bless you forever with his holy love.  He has made us one heart, single in its spirit and life." 

The above two quotes from the Bond of Perfection

"I want you to know and to believe that I have an intense and very special desire to serve you with all my strength.   It would be impossible for me to explain either the quality or the greatness of this desire that I have to be at your service, but I can tell you that I believe it is of God, and for that reason, I cherish it and every day see it growing and increasing remarkably."

As Nouwen comments, "This is but one of the many expressions of affection which characterize the spiritual letters of these friends."

"And through his faith, though he died, he still speaks." (Heb. 11:4)

Comments

[Beth]

Beautiful Post Dan. I wish I could get into
the middle of it and understand better.

[Estel]

I've been reading through the back entries here in the last few days, and among many interesting posts this is one I particularly appreciated. It makes me sad that in our society most of us are afraid to speak so strongly of our love for our friends.

[Dan]

Hi Estel,

Thank you for your comment and I agree with you. Your response made me think that I should have this post under my "Getting to Know Faith Dance" on the side.

I do think with a grown trust, and I emphasize a grown trust, language of the heart is more than appropriate in intimate friendships, including cross gender friendships. There has to be some clear communication of no sex boundaries and grown trust over a period of time to get there.